Wake up call !

I never plan my blogs, never.
So today's I thought was going to be run of the mill, "look what happened today !" but... life has a way of sneaking up on yer, and kicking you in the ass ! right?

Jayne and I have known that Darcy would need surgery on a PDA, or heart murmour that she has, it needs plugging, so she function normally, and not get tired too quick in later life, we knew this was due.
But yesterday we got a call to say that Darcy needs to be in hospital on Thursday, for pre-op tests, and then the precedure will be done next tuesday. !! WTF next tuesday !! is it better knowing weeks in advance that something like this is going to happen ?? or is better to be told days away, !?? I'm still working that one out, and coming to terms with it !.

Ok so the surgery is not supposed to be dangerous, but then all surgery carries risks . The feelings I have putting off, of " yeah it will be ok " " this is something that needs to be done " get the surgery done,then move on " have kind of evaporated, and left me with the feeling of "what if " ??
I now know the feelings that parents say, that if they could have the surgery for the kids they would . Everyone keeps saying, " she'll be fine !" don 't worry, but what if she isn't ?? I realise that although I have been there for Darcy in the last year, I could have done more, i could have spent MORE time with her, i could have loved her more, if something goes wrong next week, I wouldn't know what to do !! She is my world !

Darcy learns so fast , she has only met my gran twice, yet she will point to a photo and say "gran" and last nite i taught her what her big and little toes were.. ok stupid , little things, but these are the things that are growing to be the most important things in my life, and i find are now pushing all my worries into the background, ( for me that is a big thing )

This is why i'm trying to hold it together, trying to not worry , or show it infront of jayne, OR darcy, and just praying all will be well !!
I feel it will be a long week and a half !