What a week !!
It is scary how many thoughts can swill around your mind, especially when all you can do is wait.
Darcy had her heart op, last wednesday, and thankfully it went very well, we took her home on thursday evening ! she was like the new super improved version !!
Having children has focused my mind, on my own mortality, and the need , to stop dwelling on the past... to try and be a more patient person, and also to remember that the needs of others do have to come first very often..... when my daughter had surgery it also focussed me into thinking my worries were a little less important in the big sceme of things !
As we left her on the operating theatre ( the doctors like parents to bring their kids to the theatre room , ) I couldn't bring myself to kiss her bye, I am partially ashamed at this, and partially pleased, because i knew she would be alright, signing the consent forms was hard enough !!
but the differnece in her now is amazing, she had the tests on thursday, and was realeased later that day, her appertite has gone through the roof, she is more inquisative, talkative, playfull, and crawls faster than ever !!! the new improved Darcy !!
I am astounded by her, I truly am
Monday, 23 June 2008
Monday, 16 June 2008
Father's Day.
Father's Day, was good.
I am still getting used to the idea, that I am a father, for years I have given presents and cards to my dad, now I receive them ! ? ! strange...
We had planned to go out for a meal, and too our amazment, Darcy out ate us all... i have never seen her eat so much, then she had a huge tea as well, !! and no "bups" ( thats bread and butter )!
After that we took her to the shopping outlet, and wheeled her around for a while, while I bought too many more plants for the patio, but hey, when there is a sale on, you have to oblige ! right?
after the spag bol, tea, she finally settled down and fell asleep in my arms, but not until she had turned over looked at me, and poked me in the eye!! cheers Darcy !! Having your baby fall asleep in your arms has to be one of the best feelings, being a dad !!
Well no phone call from the hospital on Friday, so we are guessing that the surgery is still going ahead on wednesday ! Darcy's cough is improving, and nerves are not ! if there was anyway of having the surgery instead of her ....... well i'm sure you know that anyway.
onwards and upwards !
I am still getting used to the idea, that I am a father, for years I have given presents and cards to my dad, now I receive them ! ? ! strange...
We had planned to go out for a meal, and too our amazment, Darcy out ate us all... i have never seen her eat so much, then she had a huge tea as well, !! and no "bups" ( thats bread and butter )!
After that we took her to the shopping outlet, and wheeled her around for a while, while I bought too many more plants for the patio, but hey, when there is a sale on, you have to oblige ! right?
after the spag bol, tea, she finally settled down and fell asleep in my arms, but not until she had turned over looked at me, and poked me in the eye!! cheers Darcy !! Having your baby fall asleep in your arms has to be one of the best feelings, being a dad !!
Well no phone call from the hospital on Friday, so we are guessing that the surgery is still going ahead on wednesday ! Darcy's cough is improving, and nerves are not ! if there was anyway of having the surgery instead of her ....... well i'm sure you know that anyway.
onwards and upwards !
Tuesday, 10 June 2008
Wake up call !
I never plan my blogs, never.
So today's I thought was going to be run of the mill, "look what happened today !" but... life has a way of sneaking up on yer, and kicking you in the ass ! right?
Jayne and I have known that Darcy would need surgery on a PDA, or heart murmour that she has, it needs plugging, so she function normally, and not get tired too quick in later life, we knew this was due.
But yesterday we got a call to say that Darcy needs to be in hospital on Thursday, for pre-op tests, and then the precedure will be done next tuesday. !! WTF next tuesday !! is it better knowing weeks in advance that something like this is going to happen ?? or is better to be told days away, !?? I'm still working that one out, and coming to terms with it !.
Ok so the surgery is not supposed to be dangerous, but then all surgery carries risks . The feelings I have putting off, of " yeah it will be ok " " this is something that needs to be done " get the surgery done,then move on " have kind of evaporated, and left me with the feeling of "what if " ??
I now know the feelings that parents say, that if they could have the surgery for the kids they would . Everyone keeps saying, " she'll be fine !" don 't worry, but what if she isn't ?? I realise that although I have been there for Darcy in the last year, I could have done more, i could have spent MORE time with her, i could have loved her more, if something goes wrong next week, I wouldn't know what to do !! She is my world !
Darcy learns so fast , she has only met my gran twice, yet she will point to a photo and say "gran" and last nite i taught her what her big and little toes were.. ok stupid , little things, but these are the things that are growing to be the most important things in my life, and i find are now pushing all my worries into the background, ( for me that is a big thing )
This is why i'm trying to hold it together, trying to not worry , or show it infront of jayne, OR darcy, and just praying all will be well !!
I feel it will be a long week and a half !
So today's I thought was going to be run of the mill, "look what happened today !" but... life has a way of sneaking up on yer, and kicking you in the ass ! right?
Jayne and I have known that Darcy would need surgery on a PDA, or heart murmour that she has, it needs plugging, so she function normally, and not get tired too quick in later life, we knew this was due.
But yesterday we got a call to say that Darcy needs to be in hospital on Thursday, for pre-op tests, and then the precedure will be done next tuesday. !! WTF next tuesday !! is it better knowing weeks in advance that something like this is going to happen ?? or is better to be told days away, !?? I'm still working that one out, and coming to terms with it !.
Ok so the surgery is not supposed to be dangerous, but then all surgery carries risks . The feelings I have putting off, of " yeah it will be ok " " this is something that needs to be done " get the surgery done,then move on " have kind of evaporated, and left me with the feeling of "what if " ??
I now know the feelings that parents say, that if they could have the surgery for the kids they would . Everyone keeps saying, " she'll be fine !" don 't worry, but what if she isn't ?? I realise that although I have been there for Darcy in the last year, I could have done more, i could have spent MORE time with her, i could have loved her more, if something goes wrong next week, I wouldn't know what to do !! She is my world !
Darcy learns so fast , she has only met my gran twice, yet she will point to a photo and say "gran" and last nite i taught her what her big and little toes were.. ok stupid , little things, but these are the things that are growing to be the most important things in my life, and i find are now pushing all my worries into the background, ( for me that is a big thing )
This is why i'm trying to hold it together, trying to not worry , or show it infront of jayne, OR darcy, and just praying all will be well !!
I feel it will be a long week and a half !
Monday, 9 June 2008
Busy weekend, stress and radios
Well this weekend was all about number crunching, i tried to fix the radio in my car but found i probably made it worse!! i know now that it is now the stereo that has died, so i have to buy a new one, and of course get the fascia plate to suit !! however i will probably have to try and get a new car in the next year or 2 as i'm cramming 20k on the clock in travelling to work, the car has been a workhorse, but for how long can a horse work, before it has to be put out to pasture !!
starting looking at the broadband options, but to enable the broadband i really need a decent pc at home !! to enable all 3 of the above , i really need a new job, with a higher salary !! Oh boy !!
time to save hard, i feel the money will be needed soon !!
Darcy's cold is improving slightly, the need for her to sleep in our bed is disturbing me though.... on saturday she was crying from coughing at 3am, she wanted to sleep with us, but i am so scared of turning on her, that i slept on the floor !! Bad idea, i had bad back pain saturday morning, but darcy got a nice comfy mattress !! Darcy you do not know it but your big cot is coming into play this week !!! sorry no more bed hyjacking !!
So after taking Darcy to the swings, and recovering from a vague hangover from the night before, when me and two friends saw some foortball, shot some pool, and tried to sort out their love lives, i settled down to a lazy day in the garden, caned my dahlia's bought some pots for my sweet peas, and a new camelia !!
After this as Jayne had taken Darcy out for the afternoon, i settled down to watch a few episodes, of King of Queens, and Miami Ink !!
i need to get some cash ..... time for more number crunching .... hhmmm
starting looking at the broadband options, but to enable the broadband i really need a decent pc at home !! to enable all 3 of the above , i really need a new job, with a higher salary !! Oh boy !!
time to save hard, i feel the money will be needed soon !!
Darcy's cold is improving slightly, the need for her to sleep in our bed is disturbing me though.... on saturday she was crying from coughing at 3am, she wanted to sleep with us, but i am so scared of turning on her, that i slept on the floor !! Bad idea, i had bad back pain saturday morning, but darcy got a nice comfy mattress !! Darcy you do not know it but your big cot is coming into play this week !!! sorry no more bed hyjacking !!
So after taking Darcy to the swings, and recovering from a vague hangover from the night before, when me and two friends saw some foortball, shot some pool, and tried to sort out their love lives, i settled down to a lazy day in the garden, caned my dahlia's bought some pots for my sweet peas, and a new camelia !!
After this as Jayne had taken Darcy out for the afternoon, i settled down to watch a few episodes, of King of Queens, and Miami Ink !!
i need to get some cash ..... time for more number crunching .... hhmmm
Friday, 6 June 2008
Runny noses, and a toy giraffe
Oh Boy, our house has been quaranteened again, yes Darcy has caught a cold, the kind where she sits and whimpers, and lets snot run down one nostril, before wiping it across her face..... nice !! oh and she has nappy rash !!
Yep, last nite was a barnstormer, Darcy you best not get too used to sleeping in our bed, the big cot is coming into our room for you. you can spread out, ( as much as a grow bag allows )!!
mind you we are proud of you, my sister bought her a rocking Giraffe, which Darcy likes, but was unsure what to do with, until we rocked her on it, and she kinda realised it had the action of a swing !!, now she rocks by herself, and loves it !!
situation on the car radio, well i can't afford to get a new radio, or fix it, so as I shopped in a supermarket at 6.30 before work i bought a battery radio for the car !! £8 you can't go wrong ! and the reception is great too !!!
Hopefully the weather will hold, the house needs another lick of paint !! Looks like another busy weekend...
Hope you all have a decent weekend too !!
Yep, last nite was a barnstormer, Darcy you best not get too used to sleeping in our bed, the big cot is coming into our room for you. you can spread out, ( as much as a grow bag allows )!!
mind you we are proud of you, my sister bought her a rocking Giraffe, which Darcy likes, but was unsure what to do with, until we rocked her on it, and she kinda realised it had the action of a swing !!, now she rocks by herself, and loves it !!
situation on the car radio, well i can't afford to get a new radio, or fix it, so as I shopped in a supermarket at 6.30 before work i bought a battery radio for the car !! £8 you can't go wrong ! and the reception is great too !!!
Hopefully the weather will hold, the house needs another lick of paint !! Looks like another busy weekend...
Hope you all have a decent weekend too !!
Thursday, 5 June 2008
Neden, money, cars...
The mystery of Miden , Niden, Neden has been solved !!
Jayne has a 1950's Italian doll, which Darcy likes to look at, and hold, when we change her nappy, and she calls her, Neden !! Ta-da !!
Last nite I thought i'd put some effort into making Darcy some food, so i made stew, Darcy's with "baby stock" seperate to mine and Jayne's...
Darcy was so not impressed by this, though after 30 minutes, she managed to eat more than half a bowl. it was a case of.. " I want daddy's food " though it looked the same ! .... sometimes you just can not win !!
The long running debate, of whether we get to keep the Sky Tv is still running !! I see some benifits, but really we need to get some kind of broadband deal.... for this i need an injection of cash, and what with the car not getting any younger , and the rising prices of fuel lately, things need to be thought out. things can not continue as they are, there has to be changes somewhere along the lines, Plus the car radio has died this week, i can not pick up any FM radio, so it is back to the retro tape player........ oh boy the week just keeps amazing me !!
On a lighter note the Dahlia's are getting stronger and growing fast ! photo's to follow !!
back to the money thinking !
Jayne has a 1950's Italian doll, which Darcy likes to look at, and hold, when we change her nappy, and she calls her, Neden !! Ta-da !!
Last nite I thought i'd put some effort into making Darcy some food, so i made stew, Darcy's with "baby stock" seperate to mine and Jayne's...
Darcy was so not impressed by this, though after 30 minutes, she managed to eat more than half a bowl. it was a case of.. " I want daddy's food " though it looked the same ! .... sometimes you just can not win !!
The long running debate, of whether we get to keep the Sky Tv is still running !! I see some benifits, but really we need to get some kind of broadband deal.... for this i need an injection of cash, and what with the car not getting any younger , and the rising prices of fuel lately, things need to be thought out. things can not continue as they are, there has to be changes somewhere along the lines, Plus the car radio has died this week, i can not pick up any FM radio, so it is back to the retro tape player........ oh boy the week just keeps amazing me !!
On a lighter note the Dahlia's are getting stronger and growing fast ! photo's to follow !!
back to the money thinking !
Wednesday, 4 June 2008
I am a blog-a-holic, and my name is....
Dear Me,
I have now spent 2 days trying to get this page up and running, sorry crawling, with help from others, ( thanks to Veronica ) etc, and it feels like i am starting over! it is something that i realise must occur, it hurts me, to start over, i had a vibe going, a good vibe, now it feels like i am a very little fish in a gulf stream, ( Nemo in Finding Nemo ! )
Darcy is a star, a shining star in my world, that never diminishes, or wanes, she never ceases to amaze me, though she is 1 now, she learns a new skill every day, sometimes i wish i could learn a new skill every day, a little something new, to carry with me, to the next day, to aid me in my quest, " what is my quest ?? " life and answers i guess !! Happiness ?? i d o not know. I work to live , not live to work !! that i realise !!
Darcy now sings Miden, Niden Neden, what does this mean, i say to her..... " where is the Niden Neden?? " and she just points in a general 180 degrees range !!! what is is ?? oh well i suppose we well find out in due course !!
more witterings, and thoughts tomorrow i guess, just need to find some people to read this !!
I have now spent 2 days trying to get this page up and running, sorry crawling, with help from others, ( thanks to Veronica ) etc, and it feels like i am starting over! it is something that i realise must occur, it hurts me, to start over, i had a vibe going, a good vibe, now it feels like i am a very little fish in a gulf stream, ( Nemo in Finding Nemo ! )
Darcy is a star, a shining star in my world, that never diminishes, or wanes, she never ceases to amaze me, though she is 1 now, she learns a new skill every day, sometimes i wish i could learn a new skill every day, a little something new, to carry with me, to the next day, to aid me in my quest, " what is my quest ?? " life and answers i guess !! Happiness ?? i d o not know. I work to live , not live to work !! that i realise !!
Darcy now sings Miden, Niden Neden, what does this mean, i say to her..... " where is the Niden Neden?? " and she just points in a general 180 degrees range !!! what is is ?? oh well i suppose we well find out in due course !!
more witterings, and thoughts tomorrow i guess, just need to find some people to read this !!
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